I'm only 25, I haven't lived a full life yet but if a book was written about my life up to this point would I want to read it? Would I want to remember everything that has happened to me in the past? Every horrible day, every triumph, every failure? My quick answer would be no, why would I ever want to remember the past. It's the past no point in dwelling on it. It happened, you can't change it, why bother?
I've been asked about my past particularly my time in public school, I don't like talking about my life growing up and going to school. It wasn't the most perfect time in my life. I know we are lead to believe that school is great and everyone makes friends but that is a lie. I really don't have many great memories of school. I have blocked a lot of that time out in my mind. It happened, I went to school, I graduated, I left. Thats how I see going to school as a kid. Second grade to sophomore year of high school is mostly blanked out in my mind. It wasn't a perfect time in my life I was picked on a lot. I had a gym teacher in elementary school who started calling me Geisler and as such all the kids did. For the longest time a lot of kids didn't call me Christian. That always stung so much, not being called my own name.
It was right when I started sophomore year of high school that I finally started to love school. I had great classes, friends, and I was getting recognized for my work in school. It was a real confidence booster for me after years of being picked on. My english teacher at the time, nominated me for a bell award. It's a achievement award given to students who not only do well academically in a subject but also do more for the school and the classroom. I have to find the little blurb that was written about me it made me smile so much back then.
The last two years of high school were also much better then all my previous years of school combined. It was a nice time in my life, I was doing well in school, had a lot of good friends, and it was just overall a much better time then before. As senior year was coming to a close, we had the senior awards show, which as I saw it was a time to reward all the super smart kids and athletes. Not someone like me, a nobody. It was right near the end of the show, I was bored and tired of sitting there hearing about how all these people were better then me. I wasn't really paying attention to the teacher speaking at the time. They were talking about someone who had spent a lot of his own time working with the school during his lunch hour to fix computers. I didn't register till they said my name that it was an award for me and all my time working as a technology intern over the last three years. I was taken a back to say the least. For a few brief moments I was the center of attention it felt amazing.
When high school ended, I was glad to close that chapter of my life completely. It was the best time I had in public school but I wouldn't want to relieve it all again. I feel like anyone who wanted to read my life story would feel the sadness and pain I did on a regular basses. It wasn't great but it was a part of my life, its a part of my story. Those chapters are the foundation of my life now and my future.
It all comes back to, would I ever want to read my life story? Maybe one day when I'm old and grey I will. Just to see how far I have come as man and to see how much my life has changed for the better. Other then that time, I'd rather burn that book then read it.
No comments:
Post a Comment