Did I make a mistake?

I wanted to say to everyone I know including my family that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I haven't been able to succeed like you expected. It was my hope by now that I'd be working again and actually doing something with my life. Instead I find myself in massive debt barely holding on and on the verge of a total financial collapse. 

Did I make the right choices? No looking back now I didn't. Should I have gotten a degree that would be worth something? Yeah I should have. I didn't do what was in the best investment for the long term. It was my mistake and now I'm paying the price for it. 

It's my hope that by saying this out loud others will learn from my mistakes and do better then I did. 

Once again I'm sorry to my family, friends, and my girlfriend Marlee. I know you all expected more from me and I have failed you. 

I need to now step back and evaluate my life and see what to do next. 

 

Learning what you excel at!

As I sit at my desk enjoying a small glass of whiskey I find myself thinking what am I good at? What am I good at? It's a question that we all get asked at some point in our lives. Yet for many it is a difficult question to answer. I myself have always had a hard time answering it because I don't usually notice what I'm good at. That comes from being too modest about myself. When you are like that, you usually forget what makes you unique and what skills you excel at. It's only been recently that I have felt comfortable saying to others what I am good at. That is because as I have gotten older I have learned that it's okay to show off your skills. It can lead to more opportunities and even give you a chance to shine in something you never would have thought of before.

 The more I work at IBM the more I have had opportunities to use my skills in writing, computers, and problem solving. My coworkers like having input from me when it comes to new problems and sometimes I come up with a solution that works. To be included in problem solving as well as creating new ideas is something I have enjoyed while working there. It's lead to more work in areas that involve creative solutions as well as writing detailed proposals. I have to admit I missed writing technical information and it's been nice to get back into the groove again. Currently I'm working on new proposal for security upgrades and I feel like my writing has improved dramatically. It feels professional and has all the information that is needed.

Overall I feel more confident in my skill set of writing, computers, and creative solutions. I know I can talk, create, and even contribute in ways I never thought I could before. It's helped me feel more confident about myself and also I feel more confident about the work I create. It only took 25 years for me to realize what I am good at!

I'm a grown up now

The most expensive piece of paper I own!

At some point in your life you have to face the facts, you can't be a child forever. Eventually either by the natural progression of events or through a sudden change in circumstances we all become adults. It's inevitable, we can't fight it no matter how hard we try. For me it was a slow progression to becoming a real adult, but I feel it became reality after I had to start paying back all my student loans.

The mid-week in review: February 28th 2014

I know I haven't done one of these in a long time but to be honest not a lot has been going on recently. Life was in a sort of stand still state for a while. That has changed though in the last fews days. I can now say after a couple weeks of filling out paper work and interviews that I have a full time job! As of 11:00 am this morning I put in my two weeks notice and will be starting a full time position with IBM in March.

As many people know I have been looking for work since I graduated college in December of 2011, while looking for jobs I continued to work at my local computer repair shop. I didn't work long hours there but the pay was good and I liked the people I worked with. For almost seven years I have worked there. That's a long time to spend at a small part time job. In that time I learned a lot about customer service, fixing computers, and working at a small business. It had its ups and downs but overall I wouldn't trade my time here for anything in the whole world.

Looking back to when I first started working here I was new to the whole world of dealing with customers on a daily basis. It honestly scared me to be on the front lines dealing with peoples problems. Fast forward to today and I can't see not being involved on that level with people. If anything I have learned that I like helping people and seeing them be happy when I fix their problem always puts a smile on my face.

Now I will be leaving the world of small business computer repair to work for IBM fixing computers. It won't be a huge change in terms of what I will be doing on a daily basis but the one major change is I won't be interacting with customers like I do now. That will be the one thing I will honestly miss.

So thats that my new full time job will start soon and I can't wait for that to happen!

What is normal?

When taking a look at my life from an outsiders perspective, it's hard to outline six items that standout about me. In my own opinion I don't feel like I'm anything but normal, just a normal guy, living a normal life.

Nothing about me seems special or amazing. It's hard to put together a list of accomplishments, odd traits, or unique things about myself. Maybe in my mind everything I do is normal or maybe I don't see myself as anything special at all. After thinking about this question for almost no time at all I have decided that I will list six things about my life that maybe unique, weird or amazing about me. Let me know what you think about them.

Finding that missing piece

Goofing around with my love

Finding that one person who is the missing piece of your life is difficult. Many never find that one person, they either settle for something close to perfect or they wander around looking forever. It's been a long time since I have talked about Marlee and the importance of her love in my life. She is that piece I have been looking for. The one person who knows everything about me and what makes me tick. I'm not one to talk a lot about my personal life or myself in general. Anyone who has been friends with me for a long time can tell you it takes a lot for me to open up. It takes a lot for me to express my feelings and thoughts to anyone in person. That comes from years of being picked on and belittled in school, it broke me in many ways. It's only been in the last few years that I have finally started to gain back what was taken from me. Having a group of good friends and blogging more has helped me express myself more then ever before.

A clean look at my room

My Room

As an exercise in writing descriptive narrative I decided to write a detailed description of my bedroom as someone who has never been in it before.

Looking around my room as someone who has never seen it before I'm intrigued by how unique it is in its layout. The walls are a dark green with light brown painted trim. Giving the room a sort of late 1800's study vibe. The giant roll top desk to the right as you walk in stands out in a room this small. Papers and nicknacks are scattered all over it. It makes you wonder if this desk is ever used for its true purpose. A chair is in front of the desk covered in clothes and papers, making it impossible to sit in.

The Bell Award

The Bell Award on my desk.

Yesterday I talked about the first time I got recognized in school for something I had done. After looking around a little bit I was able to find the original speech that was given about me at the Bell Award ceremony. It's been a few years since I last read it and reading it again now made me smile so much. I have come a long way since my high school days but a lot of my underlying traits and personality were apparent even then. Enjoy reading about what I was like in high school according to my 10th grade English teacher:

Your life the book

I'm only 25, I haven't lived a full life yet but if a book was written about my life up to this point would I want to read it? Would I want to remember everything that has happened to me in the past? Every horrible day, every triumph, every failure? My quick answer would be no, why would I ever want to remember the past. It's the past no point in dwelling on it. It happened, you can't change it, why bother?

I've been asked about my past particularly my time in public school, I don't like talking about my life growing up and going to school. It wasn't the most perfect time in my life. I know we are lead to believe that school is great and everyone makes friends but that is a lie. I really don't have many great memories of school. I have blocked a lot of that time out in my mind. It happened, I went to school, I graduated, I left. Thats how I see going to school as a kid. Second grade to sophomore year of high school is mostly blanked out in my mind. It wasn't a perfect time in my life I was picked on a lot. I had a gym teacher in elementary school who started calling me Geisler and as such all the kids did. For the longest time a lot of kids didn't call me Christian. That always stung so much, not being called my own name.

It was right when I started sophomore year of high school that I finally started to love school. I had great classes, friends, and I was getting recognized for my work in school. It was a real confidence booster for me after years of being picked on. My english teacher at the time, nominated me for a bell award. It's a achievement award given to students who not only do well academically in a subject but also do more for the school and the classroom. I have to find the little blurb that was written about me it made me smile so much back then.

The last two years of high school were also much better then all my previous years of school combined. It was a nice time in my life, I was doing well in school, had a lot of good friends, and it was just overall a much better time then before. As senior year was coming to a close, we had the senior awards show, which as I saw it was a time to reward all the super smart kids and athletes. Not someone like me, a nobody. It was right near the end of the show, I was bored and tired of sitting there hearing about how all these people were better then me. I wasn't really paying attention to the teacher speaking at the time. They were talking about someone who had spent a lot of his own time working with the school during his lunch hour to fix computers. I didn't register till they said my name that it was an award for me and all my time working as a technology intern over the last three years. I was taken a back to say the least. For a few brief moments I was the center of attention it felt amazing.

When high school ended, I was glad to close that chapter of my life completely. It was the best time I had in public school but I wouldn't want to relieve it all again. I feel like anyone who wanted to read my life story would feel the sadness and pain I did on a regular basses. It wasn't great but it was a part of my life, its a part of my story. Those chapters are the foundation of my life now and my future.

It all comes back to, would I ever want to read my life story? Maybe one day when I'm old and grey I will. Just to see how far I have come as man and to see how much my life has changed for the better. Other then that time, I'd rather burn that book then read it.

32 Goals for 2014

It's a new year and another new chance to write all I can. Taking a look at the list of writing prompts that my friend Joey gave me I find that today is entitled 32 flavors. Which means its time for a list of some sort. Since this is my first post of the new year I'm going to put a list together of 32 things I hope to do in 2014. In this case the order of importance doesn't really matter.

Time to make some changes

As we get closer to the end of the year, and I get closer to my 25 birthday, it has become apparent that a lot has to change in my life. Not to say that life right now isn't great but, it does need to be shaken up a bit. I've been working for the same computer repair company since I was 18, I'm gonna be 25 next month, that's 6 years of my life in the same job doing the same thing everyday. It's reaching the point where I'm due to make the switch to something new and honestly less boring.

New York Comic Con 2013

This year I went to New York Comic Con with Marlee, I've wanted to go for years but never had a chance. It was amazing and so much fun, by the end of the weekend I was tired and exhausted but I would go again in a heartbeat. Over the course of the couple days I went I meet some amazing people and had a lot of fun with my girlfriend.

One life long dream achieved in August

On August 24th, I had an opportunity to volunteer on a special rare millage train trip. It ran from Hoboken out to Bethlehem and back. The trip was fantastic and everything went off without a hitch. We even arrived back in Hoboken 30 minutes early. The entire day was long (we had to be in Hoboken at 6:30 AM) but the end reward was worth it. Besides getting to enjoy a special trip that doesn't happen everyday for free, my father and I got to ride the equipment move back to Morristown at the end of the day.